MySpace: A Place for Friends?

I have a love/hate relationship with MySpace.

On one hand, it's a great way to keep up with old friends.  And I like that with current friends, we can share pictures and chat in a really casual setting, away from our respective online forums.  It's fun to change music and layouts to reflect my mood, and to see what my friends are choosing to reflect theirs. 

On the other hand, it's a lot like middle school.  People are embarrassed if they don't have enough friends, or the "right" friends.  Denying someone's friend request is like saying "um, no, you can't sit at this table.  It's reserved.  Why don't you try that group, over there."  I have a "friend" who brags about his hundreds of friends on MySpace, but it's like the kid who gets absolutely everyone to sign his yearbook.  They say yes because they don't want to be mean, but they don't really know him.  At first, I didn't know that who you chose for your top 8 was such a big deal, or that there was a method to choosing the order you had them in.  My Very Popular Friend told me how very very important it was, because his feelings were hurt that I didn't choose him for my Top Friends, and so he must think that we're closer than I do.  I also absolutely hate the language -- all of the "r u" junk.  "R U going to convention?  Kewl.  Let's catch up l8er."   Shudder.

As you may have guessed, I was once very innocent when it came to deciphering the nuances of the MySpace alternate universe.  For instance, in the middle of my divorce, my Nosy Cousin started a rumor that I was having an affair.  I had switched my status to "In a Relationship" because I felt that "married" didn't really describe me anymore (although it was technically true) and I wasn't legally single either.  Um, someone has waaaaaay too much time on her hands.  My friend Laura consoled me and warned me about my future on MySpace.

"You know, I'm your number one right now, but eventually, you'll meet someone and you'll move HIM up to your number one space.  And I want you to know that I'm okay with that."

I think I said something like, "Laura, I love you, but, um, that's just a little weird."  You see, I didn't understand yet how relationships work on MySpace.  And I am just as guilty of MySpace spying as my Nosy Cousin, because one really boring rainy day, I got to watch a couple go through a MySpace breakup.

Laura called me and when I answered, she didn't even say hello.

"Dude, get on MySpace and open up two windows.  I think maybe JT and Allison are breaking up."

To this day, I have no idea what they were fighting about.  But here's what happened.  I had to check with Laura to remember the details -- she can always remember what songs people were using to get their message across.

Allison, who is known for always having a happy, Sanrio-style puppy dogs and rainbows kind of page, had put up a really dark background.  Red text (which is a pet peeve of mine).  And her song was "You Give Love a Bad Name."

So I checked out her boyfriend's page.  JT always has a very "guy" kind of page.  Simple.  Nothing cutesy.  Some generic rock song.  His was dark too, with lots of lightning.  His song was "My Way."  Hmmmm... very interesting.

So we're lauging about how silly it is and wondering what they're fighting about, and suddenly Laura cries, "REFRESH!  REFRESH!"

Allison moved JT down to the bottom of her top 8.  JT switched his status from "In a Relationship" to single.  So then Allison did the same.  I heard a crunching sound through the phone.

"Popcorn," confirms Laura.

Then the beep.  Call waiting.  So I clicked over.  It was our friend Melly.  She sounded completely panicked.

"Allison is on the other line and she's yelling at me about stabbing her in the back and asking how could I steal her boyfriend.  HELP ME.  I have no clue what she's talking about!  Wait, call waiting.  Let me call you back."

So I click back over and tell Laura, REFRESH.

Turns out, JT had moved MELLY up to his top spot.  They live in the same town and he did it just to make Allison mad, but didn't think that she would call Melly over it.  So I called Melly back and said, "I can tell you why she's mad.  Go check JT's MySpace."

Melly says, in a very scary calm voice, "Let me call you back later.  I need to call JT."

So two minutes later, Allison has completely moved JT and Melly off of her top 8.  She's changed her song to "You Oughta Know." She's moved Tom, the MySpace guy, to her top spot.  JT realized his mistake and moved Melly's dog to his top space and moved Melly down to the bottom.  Melly moved Allison to her top spot and then left her a comment about what idiots men are.  We waited to see what was going to happen.  Melly called me back and asked, "Do you think she understands that I had nothing to do with this?  Will she ever be my friend again?"

I think I should add here, we're all in our 30s.  These are not teenagers.  I told Mel, "You know, tomorrow we can drop a note in her locker on the way to homeroom that says, 'are you still mad?  check yes or no.'"

Finally, after what seemed like hours but was probably more like about 8 minutes, Allison replied to Melly's comment.  "You're soooooo right.  We need to stick together."  Whew.  Crisis averted.

Laura had finished the popcorn by this time and we both felt a little guilty about being involved and entertained as this whole spectacle unfolded.  It was like a train wreck.  It took two weeks for JT to change his status back to "In a Relationship" and put up "Miss Me Baby" as his song.  And a few more days for Allison to go back to the rainbows and big-eyed puppies, with JT as her top friend and "Hard For Me to Say I'm Sorry" as her song.

So now I am totally paranoid about MySpace.  I want to stay out of trouble.  I just started seeing someone and Laura once again reminded me that she's okay if I want to replace her as my top friend.  She had noticed that I am number one on his list and that he's changed his status to "In a Relationship."  But I think it's just too soon.  Sorry, honey, but you're going to have to live with being number four and with my "Single" status for a little while longer.  I just don't think I'm ready for that kind of commitment.